A Milajki Love-Lesson, Chaos-Confession & Glow-Up Revelation
There are breakups…
And then there are breakthroughs dressed as breakups, wrapped in tears, anxiety, self-doubt, and a nervous system that screams:
“GIRL, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL WAS THAT?!”
This is that story.
The one where I learned — the very, very, very hard way — that the people who burn you the brightest were never “soulmates.” They were sparklers. Pretty, chaotic, and one second away from burning your entire hand off.
Welcome to EP 48 — the episode where I finally call out the truth I avoided for years:
It must have been love…
But actually, it was counterfeit chemistry.
And yes, my nervous system lied to me.
💔 WHEN IGNORING RED FLAGS BECAME MY FULL-TIME JOB
Once upon a time, I lived in blissful denial.
I ignored red flags like it was a spiritual sport — Olympic level, baby. I could turn a walking crisis into a “project” and a broken man into a “potential husband” with the power of imagination alone.
And life?
Life was like:
“Oh sweetheart… keep going. You’re about to learn today.”
I didn’t just ignore red flags —
I collected them.
I color-coded them.
I decorated my emotional home with them like it was IKEA’s Red Flag Edition.
And then the universe delivered the invoice:
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40 kilos of emotional weight
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a total mental & physical collapse
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betrayal trauma
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a divorce I didn’t plan for
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bankruptcy
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losing my business
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losing myself
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and losing my rose-tinted glasses… violently
It wasn’t a cute awakening.
It was a demolition.
The kind where everything burns except your spirit — and even she was limping.
🌪️ MY MID-40s AWAKENING: LATE, YES… BUT PERFECT
Healing didn’t arrive early for me.
It arrived in my mid-40s, fashionably late — with a flaming entrance, wearing stilettos of truth, holding a flaming sword like:
“Time to level up your selfie, babe.”
And honestly?
Perfect timing.
If I had this awakening at 22 or even 32,
I wouldn’t have survived it emotionally.
I would’ve collapsed in a puddle of glitter and confusion.
Every meltdown, every heartbreak, every “WTF am I doing?” moment…
was leading me right here.
To my strength.
To my clarity.
To my glow-up.
To this truth:
You’re never late — you’re always right on divine timing.
💣 WHEN “CHEMISTRY” IS JUST TRAUMA IN A GLITTER DRESS
Let’s talk about chemistry.
That “OMG he feels like destiny” feeling?
That lightning-in-my-vagina, butterflies-in-my-stomach vibe?
Yeah.
Sometimes that’s chemistry.
But most times?
It’s trauma chemistry — your nervous system recognizing familiar pain and calling it passion.
Intense = familiar.
Unpredictable = exciting.
Unavailable = irresistible.
Avoidant = challenge accepted.
But the truth?
If it feels like fireworks from day one,
check the wiring.
It might be a gas leak.
🥀 MY MARRIAGE… AND THE PATTERN IT CREATED
Let’s get personal.
My marriage looked stable on the outside —
but inside, it was an anxious–avoidant loop on repeat.
His attachment style: avoidant, shutdown, emotionally unreachable
Mine: anxious overachiever with Olympic-level people-pleasing
It was the perfect storm:
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his silence → my panic
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his withdrawal → my overexplaining
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his avoidance → my self-blame
When the marriage collapsed in betrayal, trauma, and financial ruin,
I told myself: “Never again.”
And then I did it again.
Twice.
🇪🇬🇲🇦 THE EGYPT / MOROCCO SITUATIONSHIP LOOP
My subconscious said:
“Let’s recreate this pain in two different countries
for extra flavor.”
So I chose:
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men 10 to 14 years younger
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different cultures
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different countries
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Muslim
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emotionally unavailable
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avoidant
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inconsistent
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love-bombing
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future-faking
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gaslighting
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breadcrumbing
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tragic communication skills
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“I have feelings but I’m terrified of intimacy so I’ll disappear randomly” vibes
They were BOTH the same man emotionally —
just with different passports.
My conscious mind wanted love.
My subconscious wanted familiar pain.
And when you haven’t healed the root,
you don’t choose partners…
your trauma does.
🥶 THE SILENT TREATMENT: NOT SPACE, ABUSE
Let’s clear this up:
The silent treatment is NOT “taking space.”
It’s emotional abandonment.
Punishment.
Control.
Manipulation.
A way of saying:
“If you upset me, you no longer matter.”
Your brain reacts like you’re under physical attack.
Your heart spirals.
Your anxiety explodes.
Your self-worth collapses.
Healthy people communicate.
Toxic people vanish.
Once you see it —
you CANNOT unsee it.
🌿 THE SLOW BURN: THE LOVE MY NERVOUS SYSTEM COULDN’T RECOGNIZE
When you heal,
the slow burn becomes sexy.
Why?
Because:
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consistency becomes attractive
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effort becomes exciting
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clarity becomes chemistry
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emotional safety becomes a turn-on
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not being confused becomes the best high of your life
Slow love is stable love.
Real love.
Adult love.
Healed love.
My nervous system had to unlearn addiction
before it could receive peace.
🔥 BREAKING THE PATTERN — MY AWAKENING
The pattern didn’t break itself.
I broke the pattern.
I stopped:
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overstaying
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overgiving
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oversharing
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overexplaining
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overfunctioning
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over-investing in anyone who couldn’t match my energy
I stopped healing FROM people
and started calling in people I can heal WITH.
People with:
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communication
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emotional intelligence
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consistency
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safety
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accountability
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actual availability
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actual words
Imagine that.
🌈 THIS IS THE REBIRTH
This episode —
this blog —
this chapter—
is my love letter to the women who are done:
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romanticizing chaos
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calling abuse “passion”
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mistaking adrenaline for love
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chasing unavailable men
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ignoring red flags
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accepting crumbs
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staying small
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shrinking their heart to fit someone else’s emotional immaturity
You’re done surviving counterfeit love.
You’re ready for the real thing.
And the real thing starts
when YOU start choosing yourself.
FULL EPISODE 48 Dropping Thursday on SPOTIFY
& APPLE PODCAST!
✨ JOURNAL PROMPTS (For Your Glow-Up Era)
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Where have I mistaken chaos for chemistry?
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What red flags am I still negotiating with?
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What does safe love feel like in my body?
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What patterns am I ready to break forever?
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Who am I becoming in my healing era?
🌈✨
As Always Extra RainbOH!w Sparkles & Good Vibes OH!nly ✨🦄💦🌈
/ Angelina Mi Lajki
